The Kill

You wanna know what?
This sucks.
I can't honestly express myself where and when I want due to my family being around...
Because, for some reason, I actually care what they think...
They don't even know about this blog...
This is pretty much my cry for help...
And you know what?
No one seems to read it.
I'm not pretty.
Not popular.
I'm pretty much invisible.
And I hate it.
I want someone to notice.
I want someone to genuinely care.
Not someone who is only around when THEY need ME.
Not someone who disappears when I need THEM.
I honestly don't know if anyone around me is willing to help me (besides my fiance, of course).
But it'd be nice to have friends who don't stab me in the back...
I try so hard to be strong for everyone when they need me...
But no one is there when I'm falling apart...
It hurts...
It really does...
I have no idea what to do...
I'm stuck in a rut...

Seriously, who even reads this...
I swear...
You know what?
Fuck it.
Why am I working my ass off to be noticed by people who don't seem to care?
If I just stop, then the ones who do care will show it and the ones who don't won't bother.
And if none of them make an effort, then I was definitely wrong in thinking that they were selfless...
I shouldn't have to bend over backwards to please everyone.
How is that fair if they don't return the favour?
How is it fair if they leave me alone when I'm begging for help?
How is it fair that I'm left to cry alone?
I thought people were better than this...
And I still cling to a tiny sliver of hope that they are...
But I'm so scared I'll be disappointed...
So please, to any of my friends who might even read this...
Please, if you do care, let me know...
You could text me first, ask me how I REALLY am when you see me, give me a random hug, whatever...
And if you don't...
Just go...
Don't play with my feelings...

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