Crawl

So.
I did a Vet Nursing course today.
At UCOL.
It was good.
I can now trim a dogs toenails, read its body language and check its general health.
Effectively.
But I'm lonely.
And running out of texts.
And I have no money.
My plan won't renew for another 8 days.
I might just have to buckle down.
And throw myself into my studies and the like.
Do some writing and drawing.
Exhaust myself completely so I don't have time to mope.
It sucks how I can multi task.
I can brood and be doing something completely different.
Stupid female mind...
And stupid memories...
Bleh.
I hardly slept last night.
I'm dead on my feet.
My SVT was acting up.
It seems to come hand in hand with sick tummy feelings.
Coz I can't spell the n word for it.
And having pork probably didn't help.
I'm not eating that again.
Its too fatty for my system to handle.
My depression gave me a good back hand this afternoon.
I don't feel myself.
I feel slow, tired, demotivated and sick.
I'm lacking energy.
I need a 'me' day.
Me.
Alone.
With chocolate.
And maybe with my darling Sonikfyre.
I'll be lucky to get a 'me' day, though.
I hardly get anytime alone with my angel...
Someone hit me over the head with a cricket bat.
ARGH!!!!
I just want to throw things and yell and scream and generally go mad.
Maybe hurt a few people who deserve it in the process.
Just...
Grrrr...
I'm sick in the head...
I really need to learn how to chill.
And get more sleep.
Lots more.
Yeah...

<3

Bury Me Where I Fall

So, I've been thinking a lot lately.
About life.
Death.
Whats beyond.
And all that mojo.
And you know what?
I'm scared.
I don't want to die.
I mean, my life has taken a huge turn for the better.
And I'm happy.
Really happy.
I have an amazing guy.
My marks are good.
And everything is ok.
But almost every night since I can remember, I've woken up.
And wondered.
Whats really out there?
What happens when I die?
What will I see?
What will I feel?
I'm, frankly, scared.
Its probably because I'm sick.
Glandular fever, cold, stomach issues...
Yeah.
But, I'm sure, in the end, it'll be fine.
Anywho, off that topic.
I want to write a song.
I really do.
A love song.
But a pretty one that isn't pop-ish and has some acoustic guitar and maybe piano.
I have the music in my heart.
But it won't get to my head.
And neither will what I want to say.
Lets face it, I can write a story, but when it comes to a song...
I never like it.
Oh well.
I'll give my best.
I'll put my heart into the music first.
And then, the lyrics may flow off that :)
Or thats how it goes in my head, anywho.

<3

Oh, p.s. From now on, my post titles will be song titles :)