Meet The Monster

Ever known someone whose very existence is the equivalent of fingernails on a chalk board?
But you can't be open about it because of reasons?
Yeah, I'm currently feeling those feelings.
I'm sick of people talking terrible stuff about others around me and then expecting me to act all ok and then they go and lead the person they were just talking shit about on and its just the worst...
Also, I'm sick of people not, you know, accepting the fact that, actually, maybe THEY are the screw up.
Some people need a bit of a reality check, if you ask me.
Sure, people whine, gossip and complain, but you don't talk about how "over someones shit you are" then blame everything on them and then just grrrrrr...
Mad feelings.
I want to hit something.
Badly.
Maybe the sack in a bit, kinda tired.
But currently, I want to do some lashing out.
I feel like I'm gonna explode.
Or have a panic attack.
Or both.
On a more pleasant note, have you ever met someone and your just like "omg please talk more often you're so awesome :O :D" but they are all silent and shy and it makes you sad?
And your just like "no, have cuddle and smile, you're cool, please smile and be happy"
I wish everyone could see themselves how everyone else does.
It'd fix everything because people would realize that they are actually awesome or actually assholes.
And then we could all be happy knowing we are actually all assholes :)
In our own way.
But people will be able to fix the assholery that hurts others and we can all be mutually assholeish.
Those are actually words, btw, I know, like, half the English language :)

<3

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Welcome Home

So, everything seems to be leveling out.
Finally.
I might be able to get out of this dark space.
I'm just worried about these panic attacks.
They used to be few and far between but I've had two just recently.
Withing 24 hours of each other.
I literally woke up and then freaked out for no reason.
I just couldn't stop.
As it stands, I'm gonna take it as a freak thing and move away from it, but it still has me slightly worried.
Anxiety is a bad enough burden without constant panic attacks.
But I'm alive now.
I guess that's what matters.
My terrible crush on Mystery Person is still hanging around, but I guess it's gonna be something I have to live with.
Don't get me wrong, it can be frustrating, but I think I'll live.
I think that I'm getting past being angry but now I have some raw anxiety to deal with.
And with exams coming, it looks like it could just get worse...
I'm not doing well at all...
I'm really not motivated...
I'm trying to push through, trying to reach my goals, but I'm lacking motivation right now...
Which I really need...
Motivation and Inspiration...
And more tattoos.
Definitely.
Absolutly.
For me and for other people.
Right now, though, I'm bored and need SOMETHING to entertain me.
Meh.
Well, guess I could sleep.
Or draw.
Or run around like a mad cat.
It's nearly 3 am so it's the right time for the cat one.
I'd rather not wake people up though.
That's just mean.

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