What Hurts The Most

I'd forgotten this feeling.
That horrid, raw feeling of a crush.
Hurts like bloody hell.
Like being rubbed the wrong way with sandpaper.
Not that there's a right way.
Heh...
You might be thinking "dude, aren't you engaged?! That's not cool..."
I don't understand either.
I feel horrible.
I feel sore, sick and like I'm being dragged over gravel.
I hurt and I want it to stop.
I pretty sure this crush won't work out.
It wouldn't even under different circumstances.
That moment when you don't feel good enough for anyone...
I honestly hate this feeling...
I don't know how to deal with it...
Because it's almost always ended up in pain...
Last crush I had like this was a while ago...
And I kinda got it thrown back in my face...
Plus, I feel like I'm bothering them just by talking to them...
I'd be happy with staying friends, the feelings will fade, but I hate feeling like I'm bothering anyone...
It robs me of my courage to even talk to them at all...
Because I value everyone's happiness over mine...
God, I whine too much...
Screw it...
I'll stop when I don't feel so confused that I'll be sick...

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